Tits

That got your attention.

This post is about tits. My tits, your tits. Your friends tits. In fact, ESPECIALLY your friends tits.

Yesterday I was sat with some friends in the Enclave, three of whom were comparing mammories. It seems if you leave a group of women on their own long enough, this sort of thing just happens. Like menstrual synchronisation. Or bitching.

"They're pointy. I look like Madonna with volcano tits"
"Mine are smaller than yours, what bra are you wearing?"
"Yeah, but at least yours are perky. Mine are pendulous"

As a woman of conversation, not being able to join in this one was quite frustrating. But, I am at a loss.

You see, breasts are breasts. As any red-blooded lesbian will tell you, they're all rather nice. There are no 'bad' breasts. They all move in that 'sexy bowl of jelly' way that makes our knees go funny. Big, small, pointy...whatever, every girl looks hot sat on a washing machine. And don't even get me started on nipples.

This girl I took home once insisted that we had sex with her shirt still on. She wouldn't even let me touch her under her shirt, such was the extent of her shame. It was like that scene in High Fidelity. "Attack and defense, invasion and repulsion". This, needless to say, made the whole act a little awkward. Having sex without seeing a ladies bubbies is like going to Pizza Hut for an Ice-Cream factory, only to find out they've run out of hundreds and thousands. You still eat it, but it's considerably more boring without them.

The said girl is now dating a friend of mine, who recently got to see the illusive breasts. When I asked my friend what was wrong with them, she said "Nothing. She just thinks they're too big".

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaahahahaaaaaaaa...

*breath*

..hahahahahaha. TOO BIG?

Just so you know ladies, there is not such thing as too big. Or too small. Or too asymmetrical. The truth is, once we've spent 4 hours wooing you into submission, we're happy for whatever we get.



Oh, and sorry it took so long for me to get this down. Life is crazy busy at the mo.
Much love,



Kat xxxx

Take Back The Night

Speed-blog alert...

I am writing this between mouthfuls of Rivita. My keyboard is hence a little crumby.

No time for a massive OMGthelondonpaperisgonewhatamIgonnado? post, but I thought I'd just let you all know that from now on, you will be able to get your fix of my somewhat-humiliating adventures on-fucking-line (I am aware that expletive wasn't necessary, but now I'm not being edited I feel obliged to dip my toe in the fountain of bad language).

Secondly, to all you ladies that care, the world-famous Take Back The Night march, for safer streets and an end to sexual violence, is going on tonight. It really is an astonishing event. I will be there, on my lonesome, dressed up all colourful, like. Come down and say hello. Feed the feminists. Wave a flag...

In all seriousness though, here are the deets -

"LONDON'S TAKE BACK THE NIGHT"

Thursday, September 17, 2008

6:00pm - Gathering with live music, dance and informational displays, All welcome. Northwest corner of Victoria Park, Richmond and Central.

6:45pm - Speakers & Rally

7:30pm - MARCH!

9pm - After party at "Winks Eatery" (Richmond and Albert), music, dancing, etc

Thanks for finding me. Hopefully I'll post something soon that isn't about rape or Rivita.

Much love, and a bit of a grope,

Kate xxxxxx